Today I had my first "big" fight with one of my roommates. I just feel as though she's being really selfish lately.
Anytime I make food I offer her some and I gladly share. This morning she asked me for one of my donuts and I gave her one, along with a piece of mine because she asked to try it. I also frequently curl and straighten her hair for her when she asks me to.
And yet when I ask her to do the simplest thing, she does it with an attitude. She'll scoff and be super dramatic and answer back with something like "I guess...".
I just don't think it's nice or fair and to be honest it's really getting under my skin.
I need to figure out what the "adult" way to handle this would be, but first I'm going to drink more wine.
Showing posts with label growing up. Show all posts
Showing posts with label growing up. Show all posts
Friday, September 7, 2012
Sunday, August 19, 2012
Cowgirl Up
I hurt two really great people recently. The first one was on Thursday, which I already wrote about, and I have since apologized for and have seemingly been forgiven. The second was yesterday and I'll be giving an apology for that one within the next hour.
I still don't know exactly what I'm going to say because I'm not entirely sure what I want, does that make me a bad person?
I have these two phenomenal people who, for reasons I can't quite figure out, want to be with me. They are so opposite and the circumstances for each are very different. I don't want to hurt anyone and I don't want to lose either of them at this point. Is that selfish of me?
I still don't know exactly what I'm going to say because I'm not entirely sure what I want, does that make me a bad person?
I have these two phenomenal people who, for reasons I can't quite figure out, want to be with me. They are so opposite and the circumstances for each are very different. I don't want to hurt anyone and I don't want to lose either of them at this point. Is that selfish of me?
Thursday, August 9, 2012
Throwback Thursday: Crazy Time
With less than 10 minutes to spare before it turns into Friday I thought I would post my first Throwback Thursday, so here ya go! This was back when I was a sophomore in high school. My friends and I had driven out to Lake Bottom to have a bon fire, listen to music, and drink... all of which was completely illegal. I've come such a long way.
Dating: Before moving on, let's rehash the past...
Let's start at basically the beginning, shall we?
I don't want to brag or anything but I was kind of a player when I was younger. I remember having crushes on multiple boys in my kindergarten class and being absolutely thrilled when we played house and I'd get to be "married" to one of them. I "dated" guys in my 4th and 5th grade class (dated in this contexts refers strictly to passing hand written notes that were folded up in a complicated pattern but never actually talking face to face).
While I was clearly aman's lady, wow that doesn't sound nearly as good as "ladies man", how about guy's gal? Nope equally as terrible. Okay let's try this again:
While I was obviously a coquette, or a minx if you will, back in the day, my first real relationship didn't happen until 8th grade.
I met Taylor when I was in 7th grade and we sat across from each other at a group table in our English class. I became close friends with him and his best guy friend (who I at the time I had a huge crush on but he was incredibly cute and had a girlfriend... while I had acne, braces, and frizzy hair so I knew I didn't have a chance with him). The year went on and I developed my friendship with Taylor more and more and I knew that I was developing a crush on him because he always made me laugh so hard with his immature middle school jokes. We began dating at the beginning of 8th grade and for my first serious relationship I'm impressed when I reflect back on those 9 months we spent together. We were horribly immature and we blindly stumbling through our relationship trying to figure out what we were doing and what exactly "love" was... even though we both thought we had figured it out. Our relationship ended when I found out his family was moving to another state and while he went house hunting with his parents, I being an insecure, naive, and heart broken girl, lost my virginity to a guy named Cameron who was a year older than me. I admitted to Taylor what I had done and he rightfully broke up with me. I had no right to do what I had done and it's one of the biggest mistakes I've ever made in my life. We were each others first loves and first heart breaks. You only get 1 and you never really forget them. I learned so much about life, love, and myself from Taylor. We dated when we were so young and impressionable, he was a key piece in forming who I would become as a person. I know I would be a completely different person had I never met him.
My freshman year of high school I was dating Cameron, the douche that took my virginity. He was a grade older than me and when I look back on this time in my life it truly saddens me. Cameron was everything you don't want in a boyfriend: controlling, obsessive, emotionally unstable, jealous, emotionally abusive, manipulative, and just down right mean. Even still I some how fell victim to the clique of a freshman girl love struck over the upperclassman that gave her the slightest bit of attention. There were rules with dating Cameron: I had to call or text him first thing when I woke up and he had to be the last person I talked to before I went to sleep at night. I'm 99% sure he cheated on me, more than once, although I never got it confirmed. I constantly had drama with his ex girlfriends who were also upperclassmen and were pretty mean to me at the time (although I'm facebook friends with both of them now lol). He always had to know where I was and he didn't like me hanging out with my friends when he wasn't around. Conveniently for Cameron, most of my friends weren't a fan of him and so I became more and more isolated which meant I became more dependent on him which is one of the reasons it took so long to end things. On top of my dependency I also felt vulnerable since I had lost my virginity to him, that was a big deal to me and even though it didn't seem like it at the time, I was not emotionally ready for that, 14 is just too young to know what you're really getting into with sex. There was also the issue of him threatening suicide if I ever did bring up breaking up or taking some space... and the fact that we were engaged (mmhmm there was a ring and everything)! Yes, engaged, yes... feel free to laugh and call me an idiot because I was!! This entire relationship was a mess from beginning to end, nothing positive came from this relationship in my life. I learned nothing new except what I definitely don't want ever again.
After Cameron and I broke up I began dating Crystal, a girl I met on the first day of freshman year in my advanced biology class. She was a sophomore and really different from anyone I'd ever met. I hadn't seriously considered my sexuality before I met her but I think that since she came into my life at such a chaotic time, when I was with Cameron and feeling terrible about myself, played a key factor in how important she became to me. Crystal and I dated on and off for all of my sophomore year. It was so confusing and scary because I had never dated a girl before. It was almost like the first love relationship I had with Taylor because it was so new to me only I feel like this relationship was even harder because her parents and a lot of our peers were against us. This was an epic love though and I don't think I will ever forget it for as long as I live. Crystal was so influential to me becoming who I am today and I learned so much from her and our relationship. I can openly reflect and admit that we were definitely terrible to each other at times. We both cheated on each other and we were both so insecure with ourselves and our relationship that we constantly tried to make each other jealous or defy what the other one wanted. I went through a lot of hard times because of Crystal but I know I put her through hell too. If I reflect on it overall, this was such a beneficial and rewarding relationship to be apart of.
I had to transfer to a continuation high school for my junior year. That summer before school started I met Johnny and oh man was I smitten. This guy was a bad boy punk down to his core and he gave me mad butterflies in my stomach. I had mixed feelings about thinking he was the coolest person ever and thinking I could somehow change his life style and make him into a respectable young man (ha!). Johnny lived in his friends garage with 2-4 other people depending on the night. It was kind of like a squatter place that we used for getting drunk and stoned all day every day, classy, I know. I got so caught up in him that I would bring him food all the time, and come over every day and clean up the garage/his room for him, and I'd wake up him and pick him up for school every morning. We went to raves together and rolled together. It was a whirlwind relationship that was in the fast lane on the high way that was leading absolutely no where. We didn't have a lot in common unless I was drunk or stoned so I'm not really surprised that this relationship didn't work out. Despite my facade of not giving a fuck about the world or life, I secretly had ambitions and a desire to get the hell out of my shit hole of a home town.... and he didn't. Complacently had set in around Johnny's life and it drove us apart. He would tell me what a controlling bitch I was for making him go to school and do his homework, and I would tell him what an asshole of a boyfriend he was. Surprisingly enough my relationship with Johnny was the longest consistent relationship I ever had ("consistently together" meaning that even though we broke up sometimes we got back together before dating anyone else). While this relationship clearly wasn't the best or most genuine, it also wasn't the worst. I would consider this my "well that was fun but what the hell was I thinking" relationship.
In between these relationships there have been others. Short relationships here and there as well as hook ups that lead to nothing. But these 4 are the significant ones. This is my dating past.
Taylor and I still talk regularly and he is still a huge part of my life. I still apologize for what I did to him in the past but we've both moved on. He's one of my best friends and I would do a lot for him. He has a gorgeous daughter now and I want nothing but good things for them both.
Cameron I talked on and off through high school, he even tried to get back together with me a few times, NOPE! But we've lost touch over the years... he was always shady and I never really trusted him. I know he also has a daughter now but I have no idea where he is living or what he is doing in life. We aren't even facebook friends. It's weird to me how Cameron will always be apart of my life because he took my virginity, but out of these 4 relationships he is the one that has disappeared from my life.
Crystal and I dated on and off many, many times. We actually broke up for the most recent time last semester. We still talk every few days via text but I feel like we are growing apart and going in different directions which obviously saddens me but I know it's apart of life. As much as I love Crystal and we have a great time together, we really don't have much in common. I'm very social, vivacious, and hyper while she is much more laid back, quiet, and shy. Regardless of what happens in the future I hope she remains a part of my life.
Johnny and I still talk, I'd consider us "homies". We're facebook friends and he texts me every now and then to kick it but we don't have much in common anymore since I made a huge lifestyle change. He never graduated high school or got his GED. He's got a rocky home life though so I guess it's understandable I wish him well and I hope he finds what he wants in life.
**Side note: While Cameron was really terrible to me I can't say it was entirely his fault or completely in his control. His family is truly dysfunctional and while I know every family has their bad moments (Lord knows mine definitely does) it is very clear to me that he did not grow up in a healthy, loving, and stable environment. I know this plays a key role in why he acts the way he does. Obviously I'm not pardoning him or saying it's right... but I definitely believe he could have turned out differently if he was raised in a better environment.
I don't want to brag or anything but I was kind of a player when I was younger. I remember having crushes on multiple boys in my kindergarten class and being absolutely thrilled when we played house and I'd get to be "married" to one of them. I "dated" guys in my 4th and 5th grade class (dated in this contexts refers strictly to passing hand written notes that were folded up in a complicated pattern but never actually talking face to face).
While I was clearly a
While I was obviously a coquette, or a minx if you will, back in the day, my first real relationship didn't happen until 8th grade.
I met Taylor when I was in 7th grade and we sat across from each other at a group table in our English class. I became close friends with him and his best guy friend (who I at the time I had a huge crush on but he was incredibly cute and had a girlfriend... while I had acne, braces, and frizzy hair so I knew I didn't have a chance with him). The year went on and I developed my friendship with Taylor more and more and I knew that I was developing a crush on him because he always made me laugh so hard with his immature middle school jokes. We began dating at the beginning of 8th grade and for my first serious relationship I'm impressed when I reflect back on those 9 months we spent together. We were horribly immature and we blindly stumbling through our relationship trying to figure out what we were doing and what exactly "love" was... even though we both thought we had figured it out. Our relationship ended when I found out his family was moving to another state and while he went house hunting with his parents, I being an insecure, naive, and heart broken girl, lost my virginity to a guy named Cameron who was a year older than me. I admitted to Taylor what I had done and he rightfully broke up with me. I had no right to do what I had done and it's one of the biggest mistakes I've ever made in my life. We were each others first loves and first heart breaks. You only get 1 and you never really forget them. I learned so much about life, love, and myself from Taylor. We dated when we were so young and impressionable, he was a key piece in forming who I would become as a person. I know I would be a completely different person had I never met him.
My freshman year of high school I was dating Cameron, the douche that took my virginity. He was a grade older than me and when I look back on this time in my life it truly saddens me. Cameron was everything you don't want in a boyfriend: controlling, obsessive, emotionally unstable, jealous, emotionally abusive, manipulative, and just down right mean. Even still I some how fell victim to the clique of a freshman girl love struck over the upperclassman that gave her the slightest bit of attention. There were rules with dating Cameron: I had to call or text him first thing when I woke up and he had to be the last person I talked to before I went to sleep at night. I'm 99% sure he cheated on me, more than once, although I never got it confirmed. I constantly had drama with his ex girlfriends who were also upperclassmen and were pretty mean to me at the time (although I'm facebook friends with both of them now lol). He always had to know where I was and he didn't like me hanging out with my friends when he wasn't around. Conveniently for Cameron, most of my friends weren't a fan of him and so I became more and more isolated which meant I became more dependent on him which is one of the reasons it took so long to end things. On top of my dependency I also felt vulnerable since I had lost my virginity to him, that was a big deal to me and even though it didn't seem like it at the time, I was not emotionally ready for that, 14 is just too young to know what you're really getting into with sex. There was also the issue of him threatening suicide if I ever did bring up breaking up or taking some space... and the fact that we were engaged (mmhmm there was a ring and everything)! Yes, engaged, yes... feel free to laugh and call me an idiot because I was!! This entire relationship was a mess from beginning to end, nothing positive came from this relationship in my life. I learned nothing new except what I definitely don't want ever again.
After Cameron and I broke up I began dating Crystal, a girl I met on the first day of freshman year in my advanced biology class. She was a sophomore and really different from anyone I'd ever met. I hadn't seriously considered my sexuality before I met her but I think that since she came into my life at such a chaotic time, when I was with Cameron and feeling terrible about myself, played a key factor in how important she became to me. Crystal and I dated on and off for all of my sophomore year. It was so confusing and scary because I had never dated a girl before. It was almost like the first love relationship I had with Taylor because it was so new to me only I feel like this relationship was even harder because her parents and a lot of our peers were against us. This was an epic love though and I don't think I will ever forget it for as long as I live. Crystal was so influential to me becoming who I am today and I learned so much from her and our relationship. I can openly reflect and admit that we were definitely terrible to each other at times. We both cheated on each other and we were both so insecure with ourselves and our relationship that we constantly tried to make each other jealous or defy what the other one wanted. I went through a lot of hard times because of Crystal but I know I put her through hell too. If I reflect on it overall, this was such a beneficial and rewarding relationship to be apart of.
I had to transfer to a continuation high school for my junior year. That summer before school started I met Johnny and oh man was I smitten. This guy was a bad boy punk down to his core and he gave me mad butterflies in my stomach. I had mixed feelings about thinking he was the coolest person ever and thinking I could somehow change his life style and make him into a respectable young man (ha!). Johnny lived in his friends garage with 2-4 other people depending on the night. It was kind of like a squatter place that we used for getting drunk and stoned all day every day, classy, I know. I got so caught up in him that I would bring him food all the time, and come over every day and clean up the garage/his room for him, and I'd wake up him and pick him up for school every morning. We went to raves together and rolled together. It was a whirlwind relationship that was in the fast lane on the high way that was leading absolutely no where. We didn't have a lot in common unless I was drunk or stoned so I'm not really surprised that this relationship didn't work out. Despite my facade of not giving a fuck about the world or life, I secretly had ambitions and a desire to get the hell out of my shit hole of a home town.... and he didn't. Complacently had set in around Johnny's life and it drove us apart. He would tell me what a controlling bitch I was for making him go to school and do his homework, and I would tell him what an asshole of a boyfriend he was. Surprisingly enough my relationship with Johnny was the longest consistent relationship I ever had ("consistently together" meaning that even though we broke up sometimes we got back together before dating anyone else). While this relationship clearly wasn't the best or most genuine, it also wasn't the worst. I would consider this my "well that was fun but what the hell was I thinking" relationship.
In between these relationships there have been others. Short relationships here and there as well as hook ups that lead to nothing. But these 4 are the significant ones. This is my dating past.
Taylor and I still talk regularly and he is still a huge part of my life. I still apologize for what I did to him in the past but we've both moved on. He's one of my best friends and I would do a lot for him. He has a gorgeous daughter now and I want nothing but good things for them both.
Cameron I talked on and off through high school, he even tried to get back together with me a few times, NOPE! But we've lost touch over the years... he was always shady and I never really trusted him. I know he also has a daughter now but I have no idea where he is living or what he is doing in life. We aren't even facebook friends. It's weird to me how Cameron will always be apart of my life because he took my virginity, but out of these 4 relationships he is the one that has disappeared from my life.
Crystal and I dated on and off many, many times. We actually broke up for the most recent time last semester. We still talk every few days via text but I feel like we are growing apart and going in different directions which obviously saddens me but I know it's apart of life. As much as I love Crystal and we have a great time together, we really don't have much in common. I'm very social, vivacious, and hyper while she is much more laid back, quiet, and shy. Regardless of what happens in the future I hope she remains a part of my life.
Johnny and I still talk, I'd consider us "homies". We're facebook friends and he texts me every now and then to kick it but we don't have much in common anymore since I made a huge lifestyle change. He never graduated high school or got his GED. He's got a rocky home life though so I guess it's understandable I wish him well and I hope he finds what he wants in life.
**Side note: While Cameron was really terrible to me I can't say it was entirely his fault or completely in his control. His family is truly dysfunctional and while I know every family has their bad moments (Lord knows mine definitely does) it is very clear to me that he did not grow up in a healthy, loving, and stable environment. I know this plays a key role in why he acts the way he does. Obviously I'm not pardoning him or saying it's right... but I definitely believe he could have turned out differently if he was raised in a better environment.
Saturday, August 4, 2012
Whirlwind
How typical of me to start a blog and then drop off the face of the Earth for a few days. Life has been pretty hectic this last week but I guess that was to be expected considering I just moved into a new apartment. I think I was living in a fantasy when I thought this big transition would go smoothly, I definitely didn't prepare myself for how truly crazy it would be.
Anyway the new apartment is amazing now that we have all of our furniture moved in (which was a huge battle of it's own because we had a fiasco with the movers, of course). I am really happy with the way our place is turning out because it looks SO cute and my roommates are really fabulous and we've just been having a lot of fun the past few days. T Sax is back in SD for the next few weeks because she is still working out there so for now it's just me and Juju, and unofficially Cuerto since she practically lives with us anyway.
I bought a new bedroom set of Craigslist and I sanded it down and refinished it. It look amazing since it was my fist time attempting to do something like that. The set turned out so good that T Sax asked me to help her finish some end tables she bought for the living room, so I did - and they turned out amazing as well so I'm pleased with myself. I also painted an accent wall in my room with a little help from Hailey, hung shelves in my bathroom, and changed the head of my shower all by myself. I feel really accomplished with everything I've done so far with the new place. I'm planning on installing some curtains in my room with in the next week.
I want to add pictures of everything eventually but we haven't had internet at our new place because Verizon made a big mistake with my order so I'm currently sitting at Starbucks to blog this so pictures will come LATER! I must add them so I can look back and remember all the cool things I did in my attempt to fix the place up on my own.
Last night I didn't get to bed until 5:00 am. FIVE AM! Can we just talk about how ridiculous that is and how exhausted I am?! Cuerto, Stef, and Hailey came over to keep me company while Juju was at work so when Juju got home we all just sat around and talked and ate the cookies that I baked earlier in the day. Then after Hailey and Stef went home, Cuerto wanted to go out to a Theta Chi party... Juju and I were both really tired but we've been saying we want to get to know this fraternity betterand Cuerto was kind of guilting us into it so we agreed to go. By the time we got ready and left our apartment it was already 1 AM, talk about arriving fashionably late to the party! We stayed for a few hours but to be honest it wasn't really that fun. I mean I didn't get to drink because I was DDing but still it was pretty low key. It wasn't at the Theta Chi house so there weren't that many people (I'm sure most people had obviously gone home before we even arrived). But I met some cool people and I'll definitely be getting to know them better next semester. We left around 3AM and the 3 of us came back to our apartment where we just sat in my room talking while I tried to finish unpacking and organizing. So by the time I finally crawled into bed and looked at the clock... it was 5AM... sad days!
The next few days will be pretty busy I have so much to do. I have NO food in my new place so as soon as I leave Starbucks I need to swing by a grocery store because I've literally been starving the past few days but I just haven't had the time to go shopping. William should be back in town in a few hours and I know he's going to want to come over so I need to get everything done before people start showing up at our place. Tomorrow a bunch of us are going to the finals of the US Open and I've never been before so it should be a good time. And then there is a ZEEB party that night which will be fun because I haven't been to one of my familiar fraternities parties since July 4th when I went to Pi Kapp.
Hopefully Verizon can get there crap together so we can get the internet up and running at our new place so I can try to get this blog going with more consistent writing. And here's to hoping that next time I sit down to write an entry I actually have time to proof read it so it's better quality. Cheers :)
Anyway the new apartment is amazing now that we have all of our furniture moved in (which was a huge battle of it's own because we had a fiasco with the movers, of course). I am really happy with the way our place is turning out because it looks SO cute and my roommates are really fabulous and we've just been having a lot of fun the past few days. T Sax is back in SD for the next few weeks because she is still working out there so for now it's just me and Juju, and unofficially Cuerto since she practically lives with us anyway.
I bought a new bedroom set of Craigslist and I sanded it down and refinished it. It look amazing since it was my fist time attempting to do something like that. The set turned out so good that T Sax asked me to help her finish some end tables she bought for the living room, so I did - and they turned out amazing as well so I'm pleased with myself. I also painted an accent wall in my room with a little help from Hailey, hung shelves in my bathroom, and changed the head of my shower all by myself. I feel really accomplished with everything I've done so far with the new place. I'm planning on installing some curtains in my room with in the next week.
I want to add pictures of everything eventually but we haven't had internet at our new place because Verizon made a big mistake with my order so I'm currently sitting at Starbucks to blog this so pictures will come LATER! I must add them so I can look back and remember all the cool things I did in my attempt to fix the place up on my own.
Last night I didn't get to bed until 5:00 am. FIVE AM! Can we just talk about how ridiculous that is and how exhausted I am?! Cuerto, Stef, and Hailey came over to keep me company while Juju was at work so when Juju got home we all just sat around and talked and ate the cookies that I baked earlier in the day. Then after Hailey and Stef went home, Cuerto wanted to go out to a Theta Chi party... Juju and I were both really tired but we've been saying we want to get to know this fraternity betterand Cuerto was kind of guilting us into it so we agreed to go. By the time we got ready and left our apartment it was already 1 AM, talk about arriving fashionably late to the party! We stayed for a few hours but to be honest it wasn't really that fun. I mean I didn't get to drink because I was DDing but still it was pretty low key. It wasn't at the Theta Chi house so there weren't that many people (I'm sure most people had obviously gone home before we even arrived). But I met some cool people and I'll definitely be getting to know them better next semester. We left around 3AM and the 3 of us came back to our apartment where we just sat in my room talking while I tried to finish unpacking and organizing. So by the time I finally crawled into bed and looked at the clock... it was 5AM... sad days!
The next few days will be pretty busy I have so much to do. I have NO food in my new place so as soon as I leave Starbucks I need to swing by a grocery store because I've literally been starving the past few days but I just haven't had the time to go shopping. William should be back in town in a few hours and I know he's going to want to come over so I need to get everything done before people start showing up at our place. Tomorrow a bunch of us are going to the finals of the US Open and I've never been before so it should be a good time. And then there is a ZEEB party that night which will be fun because I haven't been to one of my familiar fraternities parties since July 4th when I went to Pi Kapp.
Hopefully Verizon can get there crap together so we can get the internet up and running at our new place so I can try to get this blog going with more consistent writing. And here's to hoping that next time I sit down to write an entry I actually have time to proof read it so it's better quality. Cheers :)
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
I have no idea what I'm doing but I'm trying not to panic
When I was in high school I used to think I was "the shit". I had all these ideas of things I could do and accomplish. I have now come to realize that this is because a large majority of the teenagers I went to high school with were (and still are) idiots. I thought I was the greatest thing ever because at the time when I compared myself to my peers I was significantly better. Community college further reinforced the glorified image I had of myself.
Sadly, high school gave me an unrealistic expectation of life and my abilities. Once I got to a university and I was around a whole slew of other young adults trying to make something of themselves, I got an ice cold glass of reality throw in my face. I was not the wittiest or most intelligent student and I am certainly no longer at the top of my class.
The bright side of this sad fact is that I'm also not the dumbest person there either. I'm average; however, I solidly choose to believe that my lack of greatness stems purely from my laziness and lack of motivation. I pull solid A's and B's without ever opening a textbook and never studying for an exam. I don't proof read or re draft a single paper that I write. I am convinced that if I actually put forth effort I could be great at something.
My problem is a combination of two different facts. The first being that I have no idea what exactly I want to be good at. I don't have a passion... I don't know what I want to do. Therefore I feel a bit empty like I have no purpose when some of my friends know exactly what they want/were meant to do. The second, is that when I attempt sometime and it doesn't come natural to me (i.e I actually have to put in effort and I'm not instantly good at it) I get discouraged and quit. So basically that ties in with me being lazy so maybe there is really only 1.5 facts why I'm not exceptionally great.
Anyway this post is slowly getting much longer than I intended so I'm going to try and wrap it up. Tonight is the last night of me living under my grandparents roof, where I've been residing for the last two years. I just signed the lease on a new apartment and I'm moving in tomorrow. While I'm definitely receiving a lot of help, especially financial help, from my family for school and living expenses, I'm starting this blog to try and document my transition into the grown up world. Who knows how long I'll stick with it... I already told y'all I'm a quitter.
Sadly, high school gave me an unrealistic expectation of life and my abilities. Once I got to a university and I was around a whole slew of other young adults trying to make something of themselves, I got an ice cold glass of reality throw in my face. I was not the wittiest or most intelligent student and I am certainly no longer at the top of my class.
The bright side of this sad fact is that I'm also not the dumbest person there either. I'm average; however, I solidly choose to believe that my lack of greatness stems purely from my laziness and lack of motivation. I pull solid A's and B's without ever opening a textbook and never studying for an exam. I don't proof read or re draft a single paper that I write. I am convinced that if I actually put forth effort I could be great at something.
My problem is a combination of two different facts. The first being that I have no idea what exactly I want to be good at. I don't have a passion... I don't know what I want to do. Therefore I feel a bit empty like I have no purpose when some of my friends know exactly what they want/were meant to do. The second, is that when I attempt sometime and it doesn't come natural to me (i.e I actually have to put in effort and I'm not instantly good at it) I get discouraged and quit. So basically that ties in with me being lazy so maybe there is really only 1.5 facts why I'm not exceptionally great.
Anyway this post is slowly getting much longer than I intended so I'm going to try and wrap it up. Tonight is the last night of me living under my grandparents roof, where I've been residing for the last two years. I just signed the lease on a new apartment and I'm moving in tomorrow. While I'm definitely receiving a lot of help, especially financial help, from my family for school and living expenses, I'm starting this blog to try and document my transition into the grown up world. Who knows how long I'll stick with it... I already told y'all I'm a quitter.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)